I empathize with you, but based on what you said, you’re raising your son to be basically exactly like your husband. Consider treating him like a roommate. He needs to pay his half of the expenses, he needs to do his half of the housework. No it’s not exactly like being a spouse where there is more give and take, but he’ll be better off learning to take responsibility for his own shit — or he’ll be motivated to move out, find someone and get married so she will treat him the way you treated your husband.