Oh my dear…I know this struggle, as many women do, as I’m sure you know. But I wish you would reconsider. My mother had gastric bypass surgery in 2005. She lost a lot of weight, 150 pounds. She fit into a size 14. She had lots of energy. That lasted a few years. The weight slowly started to creep up again, even though she was still eating barely anything. She had to take a lot of supplements, and in 2017 or thereabouts I noticed her memory problems were more than just normal lapses. And she was in pain all the time. She had arthritis, and I don’t know if that was related to gastric bypass, but she also lost a lot of bone density which definitely was an expected side effect of the surgery - but she didn’t expect how painful that would be. She told me how pushing on her fingertips hurt her bones, she couldn’t really grasp anything very firmly. Her memory got worse, to the point where she gave me a set of her passwords because she was worried she would forget them. She got addicted to opiates and she passed away earlier this year due to a methadone overdose at the age of 69.

I know you’re not my mom, obviously, but I would urge you to personally talk with at least three people who got gastric bypass surgery at least 10 years ago before you make this choice. I don’t know if my mom shortened her life by having gastric bypass; it was more like she traded one set of problems for another set that was almost equally as bad. And I could still understand how you would be willing to make that trade, but then there’s also paying for a surgery that only improves your quality of life for a few years… Is that really worth it?

I’ve lost 70 pounds in the past four years. It’s been really slow, it’s been up and down, but I’ve done it partly because I knew it was possible. It is possible. it’s not easy. I wish I could tell you there was one secret but it’s not one secret, it’s every secret. Every bit of weight loss advice that someone gives I try until I found what worked for me. For me it means I have to make a lifelong change. I’m choosing to make that change instead of having my body forcing it upon me. You could choose it too. I know not everyone has the means to lose weight; even the methods that don’t cost more money take time that not everyone has. But I think if you have the means to have the surgery, then you have the means to lose weight without surgery. You could develop new habits. You could learn to get used to eating differently. You are a powerfully self-aware woman who has been to hell and back. I believe that you can lose weight without surgery.